The Rules of Humanity
by jazziisms
Summary: Was he being foolish? Perhaps, but for good reason. It's not like he was doing this to spend more time with her or anything. Oneshot. Mephouge!


**So what if I maybe kinda sorta slightly ship Mephouge? ;D**

**If he remained in the mainstream games and such, I think he and Rouge's relationship would go something like this.**

* * *

"You there!"

Rouge kept walking, rolling her eyes to the back of her head. "I _do_ have a name, you know."

Sighing impatiently, Mephiles quickened his pace to keep up with the strutting bat. "You are _so_ infuriating."

"Oh you wouldn't want me to list all the things wrong with _you_, honey. Now, is there a reason why you've been stalking me for the past three blocks?"

Mephiles growled. "I'm not going to kill you-"

"How _sweet_-"

"_Today_." Rouge made a face at him, much to his dark amusement. He went on stiffly, "As you know, Shadow has...taken a _liking_ to humanity."

"On a good day."

He stepped around until he got in her way, arms pinned to his sides despite his awkward, demanding tone. "...I wish to know _why_."

Rouge sighed, putting a hand on her hip and jutting it out. "_You_ want to know what's so appealing about _humanity_?"

"_Yes_, you imbecile."

"I'd watch my mouth if I were you, _crystal meth_. That's not the way to talk to a lady," she told him bluntly, pointing her finger at him.

"What did you just call me?"

"...Don't worry about it. You want someone to teach you about _humanity_, hm?"

"Precisely," Mephiles replied through gritted teeth.

"Today's your lucky day then."

"Fine."

"On one condition."

"I don't negotiate."

"You will today. I want something in return."

"Why give you something when I've already granted you the luxury of sparing your life?"

Rouge grimaced, lips pulling back over her teeth in a sarcastic smile. "_Lucky me_."

.

"Let's get this party started!" Rouge opened the door to her house, which was large enough to be a mansion anyway.

"I don't understand how this causes for a celebration," Mephiles said as he followed her over the threshold, looking around the expansive home. _Oh, so many expensive things...so many to destroy..._

"You have a lot to learn, sweetheart." Rouge twiddled her keys in front of him. "First rule of humanity: don't take everything so literally. If someone tells you to jump off a cliff, you'd-?"

"Tear them apart, limb from limb!"

"..._No_."

"If a mere mortal tells me to jump off a cliff and pummel to my supposed death, then is it wrong to wish death upon them as well?"

Rouge hummed, as if she was really considering it. She finally told him, "Not unless it's someone_ I_ don't like. I'll let you know."

Mephiles nodded curtly. _This sounds promising_...

"How many of these_ rules_ are there?" He did not like rules. They were broken preferably.

She walked around the main area, the clicking of her heels echoing around the house with every smooth step she made. He slowly trailed after her; watching. Listening. "Not very many. I don't play by the rules either. But I _do_ know what I want in this world. And if I want something - I'm gonna _get it_."

This information about her pleased him. "You and I...share something in _common_."

"Yeah...but unlike_ some_ people, I'm not _psychotic_." She shot him a mocking look, which he very much returned. "I know who I am. I'm no hero. But I _do_ have a clear conscience."

"Must be a challenge if you don't belong anywhere," Mephiles mused, arms behind his back as he came closer with measured steps. She stared at him warily, squaring her bare shoulders as he began circling her like a hawk. "Your heroic deeds don't make you a hero...yet your shallow sense of morality keeps you from being a villain. You state how much you care for Shadow and your friends, but...when it all comes down to it...you'd save your own hide."

He stopped right in front of her, too close for comfort.

"How does that work for you, exactly?" He leaned forward in feigned interest.

Rouge put a hand up. "Rule number two: _never_ invade a woman's space without permission." And she pushed his face back, making the dark creature stagger back slightly. Disgusted, Mephiles ran a hand down his face as if her touch contaminated him. "That will get you a one-way ticket straight to hell and achy balls."

"Somehow I want to test that theory." Mephiles huffed, folding his arms across his chest skeptically.

Rouge smirked. "_Oh_?"

.

"WHAT IS THIS TREACHERY?" he shouted, grabbing the chess board. He thrust his knee up into the game, breaking it in half, and threw the remaining pieces against the wall in a fit of fury.

"Don't be mad because you suck at chess. You're even worse than _me_."

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY, DAMMIT. I WANT A REMATCH. GIVE ME MY REMATCH!" he yelled in her face.

Rouge put her hand in his face, ticking off her fingers. "One, don't be a sore loser. No one likes a sore loser. Two, we need to work on your anger issues, hon, because if you keep yelling I'm going to need a hearing aid. And three, _HOT BREATH_. Can I interest you in some Orbit or-"

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME? WHY I OUGHT TO-"

Without warning, Rouge shoved a Snickers bar into his mouth.

"You owe Shadow a new chess set. And when he finds out that _you_ broke it, he'll kill you."

Mephiles' string of profanities were muffled around the unfortunately delicious treat, and he munched angrily in silence.

.

"Now, Mephy-"

"Don't call me that."

"- if you see someone struggling with a heavy box, what do you do?" Rouge finished, eyes narrowing at his rude interruption.

"Laugh at their misfortune and make a dramatic exit?" he guessed in a deadpan; so far, throughout his day with her, he had unfortunately picked up a few vocabulary words.

"No. Try _agaaain_."

He made a face. "_Help_ them carry the damned thing?"

Rouge nodded in approval. "And _then_ make a dramatic exit." She smirked, "Has anyone told you that when you leave the room sometimes you look like a-"

"_Don't you dare-_"

"- _ballerina_?"

Mephiles was seething, his mouth opening to tell her off, and perhaps even end her, when she gave him a pointed look. Sighing heavily, he started grumbling, "_One hundred...ninety-nine...ninety-eight_..."

"Good boy. Let's move on, shall we?"

.

"Okay. Last lesson for the day." It was well past sunset, and she had two wine glasses in her hand. Handing one to him as she reached him, the curvy bat sat down next to him on the plush couch, body angled towards him, free arm behind his head on the couch. She took a sip of the sweet beverage before she went on, "You see a _beautiful_ girl on the street that you're interested in. What do you do?"

Mephiles blinked, still holding the glass in his hand. "Make her my queen."

"Oh yes, like _that_ won't scare her away."

"It will?"

"Um, _yes_? Have you learned nothing? Look, if you want someone to like you, you can't just be yourself and make her yours. Two problems with that. One: a woman is _never_ someone's property. And two: ...well _you're you_."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He squinted.

"She has to like _something_ about you to be attracted to you. Long story short, you might wanna look for someone who doesn't go running and screaming at the sight of guts and gore and darkness."

"Hm..." Mephiles took the time to eye the drink in his glass before slowly lifting it up to his lips, sniffing first before taking a cautious sip. Huh. Wasn't so bad. Maybe he should ask for more of this substance after this lesson was over.

But then something dawned on him then. Their conversation from earlier replayed in his head.

_"I don't play by the rules either. But I **do** know what I want in this world. And if I want something - I'm gonna** get it**."_

_"You and I...share something in **common**."_

He blinked. Surely she wasn't hinting of a _possibility_ between -

No. No, no. _Impossible_.

It...It _had_ to be.

"I see," he said finally. He drained his drink before speaking again, not even leaving a droplet. "You will show me how this works."

"Does this mean the great, powerful _Mephiles the Dark_ wants more insight from lil ol' me?" She put a hand to her chest, covering her surprise with the slight teasing in her voice.

He took the glass away from her, downing the rest of her drink in one gulp. Was he being foolish? Perhaps, but for good reason. It's not like he was doing this to spend more time with her or anything. Getting close to the spy would only benefit him; he would know her strengths. Her _weaknesses_.

"That's _exactly_ what I'm saying."

Surely, there wasn't any other motive, right?

* * *

**This might become a twoshot, or if I post another oneshot it would probably be related to this one. Who knows?**

**It all depends on how YOU liked it! Give that review button some love if you liked it and gimme your thoughts! Do ya wanna see more? What are your thoughts on Mephouge? Lemme know!**


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